Looking back.

Let me paint the picture for you. It was March 2005. I was 18 years old and not even a year out of high school. I was in my second semester at BYU and living at Liberty Square. 18 years old and having some sort of talk about love and marriage with my first boyfriend, Jason. Yeah.... The conversation went something like this:


Jason: I really do love you, Tara.
Me: (Awkward smile)
Jason: I know we haven't been dating long but I do.
Me: (Avoiding eye contact and more awkward smiling). Okay.
Jason: You don't have to say anything back but I just want you to know.
Me: I honestly don't know how I feel. (I don't know if I said it in those words exactly, but something along those lines)
Jason: The other day my mom asked me if I wanted to marry you.
Me (thinking): Oh shiz. Did he really just say that?
Jason: And I know this is weird but I think that I could. Not soon as in like the summer or anything like that, but you know, one day.
Me: Really? Jason, I'm only 18. In all honesty, I'm not ready to get married. I won't rule out the possibilty of "one day" completely right now because of the fact that we are currently dating and that would be dumb. I realize that if that isn't at least a possibity for the future, there's no real point in continuing our relationship (Spoken like a true freshman girl at BYU, I know). But, like I said, I'm 18 and not even close to being ready. Hello, I don't even love you! You're short!

I'm pretty sure the conversation lasted a bit longer then that but you get the jist of it.

And that was that. And basically the beginning of the end for Jason and me. I got freaked out and stopped liking him a few weeks later but dated him for 2 more months anyway. ha ha. Then we broke up. The break up wasn't a bad one but about 1 month after we broke up, we were supposed to go to Stadium of Fire together(something we'd planned before the break up and said we'd still do after the break up). The day of the actual event, he called me up and said he just didn't want to go. I got mad at him because I thought that was lame and we never spoke again. No real sweat off my back though, I didn't really care to continue to be his friend. We didn't have a lot in common (He liked fishing, the outdoors, and camping. I liked sleeping, traveling to places where I could sleep in a hotel, dancing, and the televsion.) In September of that same year, I found out he was engaged. I can't exactly remember but I think I laughed out loud when I heard it. It wasn't suprising at all, given the conversation we'd had that one night in March. Apparently they only dated for like 3 weeks and then he proposed. Unreal, right?

The reason I bring all this up is because last night, I discovered his family blog. As in a blog dedicated to him, his wife and their kid George (I would have NEVER allowed that), who they call Georgie. I admit that my internet researching skills, if you will, are better than anyone else I know but it was like the blog just opened up in front of me. I didn't even have to look for it! Anyway, of course I immediately read it and let me just say, that was probably the best bullet I ever dodged. He's fat now so in addition to his shortness, he's a chubby, short man. I'm not saying it's a good thing I didn't marry him because he's now chubby and short, 2 things I am also. But reading that blog and thinking back to that conversation and thinking about how that relationship could've potentially played out really made me thankful that I realized that at 18, I definitely wasn't ready to get married. Funny thing is, it's been 3 years and I'm still nowhere close. Why do I live in Utah County again?

Side note: It really is weird to look back and see that I even liked Jason. There really wasn't anything wrong with him, besides his love for the wild outdoors, but what I'm saying is that my taste in guys has completely changed since then. He was cuter back then and he was a good guy but it's just weird to think about myself now dating someone like him. Pretty sure it would NEVER happen.