There are 47 days until this year is over. I will probably remember 2008 as being one of the worst years of my life. It sad to say, but it couldn't be more true. I've probably cried more this year than the past 5 years combined. And it's not over. I know that there's a chance I will probably cry a good 35 days of the 47 that are left.
Sometimes I wonder why all the things that have happened this year had to happen around the same time. Can't a girl catch a break? Apparently not.
It's funny how people want to understand and be there for you but sometimes there really isn't anything that anyone can do. Sometimes life just sucks. It's basically impossible for anyone to ACTUALLY understand what it is that you are going through. They could think they understand because they had a similar situation but so what? There are so many factors that play into one's life that there is no way for anyone to really understand. And that sucks. You wish that someone could really empathize with you because then it might be a little easier but unfortunately, it's just you.
It's gotten to the point where I don't care what people think about the way I react to anything. They actually don't know anything about what is going on in my head or my life. They can think that I'm overreacting that I'm being dramatic, but that's where they are at fault. Even if they were my very best friend and were literally with me 24/7, they still wouldn't understand. Because it's not their life. If they think I am handling things the wrong way, I'd like to see them be me for one day.
No, I'm going to continue being me. I'm going to continue to have breakdowns and just cry because that is what I need to do. My pillow is going to have mascara stains from crying my eyes out and I'm going to continue to wake up with migraines and swollen eyes from crying myself to sleep. I'm going to be sad because that is all I know how to be right now. Let me have that for 47 more days.
But come January 1, 2009, it's going to be different.
Cross your fingers anyway.
*Sorry about the dramatic post. I just needed to get it out in some way.
8 comments:
Sorry life is not treating you so great! I think there are parts that I can empathize with you. But I don't know all the troubles you're going through, and I'm sorry that you're struggling! Your are a beautiful young woman, and I truly hope that your 2009 is a way better year for you!
Oh Tar... I know I can't say anything that will make your problems go away. But know that we LOVE you and your family! You are always in our thoughts and prayers. Here is to 2009!!! :)
Tara ... it's so hard to see someone you love in pain. Steve and I think about you and your family constantly and you guys are in are prayers.
On the days when Mr. M's day ends in tears and disappointment, I try to remind him that even though today stunk, at least tomorrow is a whole new day. I hope that in this new year you can find more peace in your life AND get that vacation you deserve. You can always come stay with us in Boise (I know rockin' Boise) once we're up there!
love ya!
All I can say is that I love you so much!!
Tare--I just want you to know I love you and I think and pray for you often! If you need a vacation come visit me in California! :)
Maybe moving up here would help ;)!Seriously Tara, I can't imagine what you are going through. Some day you'll look back on this and be proud of yourself for making it through. Your Heavenly Father loves you so much and is really the only one who knows you completely. We all love you, come visit more!!
Spot on, Tara! Well said. You have such a way with words. I love reading things you write. I love your honesty. I wish I could take a piece of the crap you've been going through and give you a little break...but I can't. I'm so sorry that I sit and watch and can't really do anything to ease your burden. I love you. You are amazing. You have a powerful voice and I truly hope you keep writing. I love you tons! You will get through this...mascara stains and all!
Don't know how I missed this post...
I agree...no one knows how you feel exactly...
I do KNOW this.
But I also know how much you are loved...so when you are ready...
Love you.
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